ALL HAIL ‘DEADLY’

This year was supposed to be the year of change for me.  The year that I change my weight forever, the year that i change my car, the year that i change my last name…..Hmmmmm (that last one is a post for another day). I digress.

On the good side though, one of those things has come true.  Last week, my beloved new shiny and fully automated automobile jetted into the country.  Her name?  Well for now, I am calling her ‘DEADLY’. 

This name has been coined straight from the lips of all those who have met her, driven her and watched her for long periods of time in awe.  For the last 3 days, she has been cruising well, like the lady she was meant to be, turning heads on the highway, nearly causing accidents from onlookers on the other side of the road. I was feeling really good until yesterday when I seemed to upset her right from the driveway at home all the way to the office. 

When I got to my place of work, i tried to park her gently and strategically (where everyone could see her thereby allowing a clear view for everyone and bringing forth a steady flow of praise for her beauty without necessarily announcing her presence at the parking lot). But then, while moving forward into the space, I climbed into the pavement using her front bumper, which dislocated her delicates in the process! 

The sound she produced was loud enough to let me know that she was very hurt and more so, very humiliated by the lack of finesse in my driving skills.

With panic immediately setting in, I had to take her to the nearest auto garage immediately, just incase any of her parts needed to be replaced quickly!

The mechanic took one look at her underside and recommended an emergency check.

Into the machine we went and her underside was thoroughly examined.  Diagnosis?  Good. Treatment? An immediate installation of a Sump Guard (what the hell is that?!!). 

Apparently, her undersides are so delicate that unless they are protected, she and I could become stranded in the middle of nowhere thus ruining a perfectly good day. 

So why didn’t they do that from wherever she came from? 

Well, the roads in Europe are apparently so good that these things are not needed unless you absolutely must ride on a rough road.  That irritated me just a little until the car doctor mentioned later that perhaps I should consider lifting ‘DEADLY’ just a little so that she never has to see or touch another bumper again. I wasn’t sure whether he was deliberately insulting my driving skills or whether he and ‘DEADLY’ were colluding to add more insult to injury because her loud screech that morning did not seem to work. 

Either way, that was the last straw, I decided there and then that my next car will have to be a locally assembled one.

My ‘DEADLY’ angel is off to the garage today.

I miss her already despite our exchange of words yesterday (she didn’t protest at all on our way home in the evening which I guess was her way of letting me know that everything was going to be okay.

 I can’t wait to see her at the end of the day when she glides back into the car parking lot, all shiny new again from indefinite splendor and grace!