Where do you go when…..

You are seething with anger? 

You want something done your way?

You want everything to be perfect just the way you like it?

My view…….you slow down.  You take things slowly and take stock of the situation.  You ask yourself, is this the worst it could ever become?  have you been in worse situations before?  Did you come out alright thereafter or is what you are going through right now a bad nightmare coming back or worse?

This is what happened to me the day before yesterday.  A colleague at work was not pulling his weight.  I found out that items that were supposed to be delivered a week before had not and simply because my colleague had not done the paper work.  Attention to detail is key in my job.  The client (myself) was not happy, not at all.  I had to start looking for information to try and put the paper work together.  Information that had been gathered over a 2 week period by my colleage, was gathered in three hours by myself.  My colleague is temporarily incapacitated, therefore totally loosing it on my part was done amid lots of guilt.

However, I did the work, left my office very late and got home to try and rest.  I could not.  I still wanted to do something else, something that will let everybody know just how mad I really was, so I sat up and wrote a long detailed email – a wake up call to everybody on the team. A meeting was convened the next day, and everything was discussed then sorted out.  Ideas were developed to circumvent the situation.

Now I am much calmer after engaging in a ’soft war’ with invisible warriors (my email).  I wrote my thoughts down and they stood out in a calm and dignified manner and in this way, i was vilified but my goals were reached. 

I deeply thank my mother for instilling in me a calm sense of nature and for raising me up to be a thoughtful person, this is all I have to say.

I worry…..

……..about babies.  I want to be healthy.  Healthy enough to carry one in me for 9 months and push him/her out of me.  I want to have 2 babies. I want to be healthy thereafter to enjoy the rest of my life as a mother, as a wife, a lover, an auntie, a sister, a cousin, a daughter in law, sister in law, a colleague and a friend.  I don’t want to worry about weight, about overgrown feet, about a distended stomach.  I want to be a ‘yummy mummy’.  I want my husband to still want me sexually, intellectually and on all levels imaginable.  I want my children to be happy, to be disciplined, to want to have me always as their mother, to have pride in having me in their lives even though they didn”t really have a choice as to who their mother would be.  I want it all.  Perfection.  So am working very hard at it.  I am at 40%, I think, and getting there.  I want to give 110%, and, for me, this is attainable.

………about my job, my career.  Where I want to be by the time am 40 - wealthy.  I work smart, I have a career that will ensure I get to achieve these two objectives in my life all at the same time. I have been blessed.  My family is where they have always wanted to be for the last 16 years, happy, well fed, under a solid roof, educated and clothed.  No one is complaining so far.  Therefore I have set in motion the wheels of change that will take me to two places.  Wealth - money and wealth in terms of my very own family.  I am debt free!  Yes! 5 years later, no more college loans, no more furniture loans, no more credit card debts, no more, no more debts! I have cut down on my expenses – drastically- and together with the money previously slashed off my salary to pay off debts, I have invested in 3 different baskets of great returns to mature in 2 years and renewable depending on the circumstances in my life at the time.  I have taken stock of my life and it is time to make serious plans for the future.

………about my relationship with my partner.  How to be a great girlfriend.  Spending time talking about us, talking about me, getting to know him better, him getting to know me better.  Having fun in the relationship.  Sorting out issues, letting go of past baggage.  Keeping things light, funny, hilarious, a smile on my face.  Being a great friend, a delightful friend. Creating a solid base where we can reach into in times of crisis, fights, arguments.  Two and a half years later, I still learn something new about my man everyday.  He is constantly changing, and so am I. Amazing isn’t it?  I want things to be like that for the rest of my life!

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves,  I am now a grown up at the funky age of 29. 

This seemed like a good idea at the time

This is my first entry on my blog and I don’t have much to say.  I suspect that I will be saying alot though as I continue living and breathing. I am looking for something different to write on. I have been doing daily diary entries ever since I could remember but have now decided to sort of ‘upgrade’ and do it on-line.  After watching the movie ‘Bridget Jones diary’ I think this is an idea whose time has been long overdue.

So as I write this from my desk at work, it is way after working hours and everyone has gone home.  I would probably be home myself if I didn’t have a prior engagement at a friend’s for dinner.  I am actually looking forward to that.  She is one of the finest cooks I know and dinner at her house has never been disappointing. My former work colleagues with whom we are now good friends will meet at her place tonight for good food and chatter till morning.  We do this on average once every month and these monthly sessions are loud, hilarious, movies are watched/discarded, books and movies are borrowed from the host’s house never to be returned again.

Now that I think about it, this group of people brought together by certain common interests (food, laughter, movies, work) have moved on to become great friends! Who would have thought. 

I have more close friends beside these crazy 8.  My high school desk-mate is one of my oldest friends. Incidentally I had two deskmates in high school, one during the separate history class and the other shared my desk during normal day to day classes.  Both are now my closest friends.  I share with them almost everything.  I also have one very good old friend who lives in the USA and we have known each other since we were 12.  She is the one who knows me very well, taught me how to use a fork and knife, laugh without restraint and with her I share everything, warts and all.  Then there is my sweetheart.  My partner, my best male friend, my lover who makes me laugh about everything and the person who probably knows me better than my mum.  He is loving, sexy, understanding, non-judgemental and the one person I know who would not hesitate to hurt another in my defense; a nice guy.

He was my protector for a very long time and at one time, he was even my boss (!!!) before we became much more than what we were.  Without him, I probably would not be where I am today (blogging).

I would therefore like to apologise and take back what I said earlier; I may have had alot to say today afterall.

For my next posting, I will blog about a book that I read last year and how this book has made a profound and real impact in my professional and my personal life.